Pet Patrol

Halburn Hauls Hound Home

Yesterday  Halburn had to brag to his audience of sycophants and disaffected dads:

It’s a dog, asshole. Not a “fur person.”

You’re not even fit to be around your “son person” and you’re getting a dog?

You’re a real animal lover aren’t you, shitbag?

 

“El Oroso”

You treated your last dog so well.
Everyone who drove through the Walmart parking lot had to avoid hitting him because you let him run loose all the time. It’s the same dog that you abandoned after your second ex-wife threw you out of her house and you moved to South Carolina.

You’re just like one of these bums you see on the street with a dog. Can’t take care of yourself , but you’re hauling a dog around.

 

“Jazzy”

Rescuing a dog from a shelter doesn’t make you a saint. It doesn’t even make you an OK guy.
People do it every day.
This is just another cynical effort by Halburn to make himself look like a normal person. It won’t work.

How long before you discard this one, fatass?

In The Ghetto

Halburn Buys A House

Guess who’s now a homeowner? That’s right. Mark Halburn.

He just bought a 2 bedroom, 1 bath, 1100 sq ft house in Lancaster, SC. on 9/19/2018 for $48,500.

Halburn fled West Virginia in January. After shacking up briefly with his sugar mama and her parents, she quickly dumped him and he lived for a while in Charlotte before decamping to South Carolina

.Halburn’s House

So, here’s a guy with a sub 400 credit score and at least one bankruptcy.  I can’t imagine this motherfucker is going to walk in with his 200-item deep job history and his current $10-an-hour part time job and say “I’d like a mortgage please” and they’ll be like “alright, buddy!” He probably has a shit ton of open lines of credit too.

Most reputable lenders won’t even write a mortgage loan for less than $50k.

So how does he even get approved for a mortgage? Easy. He got the loan from a lender named PennyMac.

We’re betting that they’re one of those subprime kind of places. Or at least one that does some business in that. No minimum income requirement. No minimum loan amount. That’s the only type of lender that would loan money to someone like Halburn. It’s taken 10 years after the crash of 2008 for it to happen, but  lenders are starting to make lots of high risk loans again. This has to be one of them.

Probably an FHA loan. so he’s got at least a 5% APR. On a 30 year mortgage, that works out to probably a $400 a month payment.

You want to see why this house was only $48,500?

Halburn’s neighborhood

That’s right, he’s livin’ in the ghetto. He’ll fit right in there too. I’m sure the inside of his house is already filthy.

If you’re in the area, drive by and blow your horn. He’ll love that.